Sunday, March 24, 2013

Chick Pics

  I wanted to show you some pictures of the chicks down in the basement, but I still can not make myself to venture downstairs. I had no idea how to take pictures without having to go down there. So, I sent Pippa to take a couple pictures for me. That is why they are not as good.

The terrifying chicks

Pippa finding the best angle to take pictures

   According to Pippa, my new "Life of Sarge" reporter, there are thirteen chicks in the basement. She also said they looked very tasty. I will let you on a little secret. Even without my paralyzing fear, I would have still been scared to go downstairs with the terrifying chickens.

Saturday, March 23, 2013

New Neighbors

   Ever since last December, the family has been building a small, red, dog house (or so I thought...). I did not care about it. Since Pippa came, I had even forgotten about it. But then three weeks ago after the family had been gone forever (one hour) they came home with a brown cardboard box! At first the box was silent, then there was a CHEEP! And another, and another until the entire box was cheeping. I was so very perplexed. Did the box say it was cheap? Or were there animals IN the box? They took the box downstairs to the basement. I would go down there, but a few years ago I was attacked by a gigantic monster the size of a spoon, which some humans call a cockroach. Ever since the dreadful battle, which I lost, I have not been able to make myself go down there.
The "Dog House"
   When they came upstairs, I overheard them talking about chickens. That is when is realized what had happened. The family had brought chickens into the house! Then I also realized that dog house was for the chickens and not for me! How could I survive? A new cat and chickens! And within a couple of weeks!

Friday, March 22, 2013

The Cleanest Animal

   The next morning Pippa was still sleeping on the bed at sunrise, when I went downstairs to go outside. When I shuffled back inside I heard a sound. A sound like no other. A cat hissing! I rushed over to where the sound came from. My ears led me to the back door, where Pippa was fighting through the window with my nemesis. Patches! The no-good-feline was attacking and scaring my new friend *cough* acquaintance! I valiantly showed my teeth to Patches through the window and let her hear my deep growl. Before long she was scurrying away. When Pippa was safe she thanked me by brushing against my leg. I found out that the two of us have a common enemy.
   Later when I was walking past the bathroom I looked and this is what I saw. Pippa was drinking FROM the toilet! Even though we have a clean water bowl! To correct any dog myths you might have heard, I never drink from the toilet.

   Later I asked Pippa why she drinks from the toilet. She said that drinking from a bowl on the ground is boring and dirty that is why she would rather drink from a porcelain bowl. After all they say cats are the cleanest animals!

Tuesday, February 12, 2013

Pippa The Feline

  It all started a few weeks ago when the neighbors came over holding a gray and a white feline. I freaked out. I, Sarge, had to defend Rule 1 of my Code of Conduct: "Neither feline nor squirrel shall ever cross the property line of Sarge The Dog and must be exterminated." Staying true to the Code, I went berserk. The fur on my back stood up as I showed my smooth, razor-sharp teeth to the cat, along with my deep manly growl. There was something strange about the feline, though. Instead of running away in fright, she did not give a "milk bone" but instead started purring! I was immensely perplexed.


  Later, after the neighbors left with the cat, the family gave me startling news: they were going to adopt the cat. My heart stopped. Another CAT! It was already bad enough handling Patches, but another one...!

   The next day, the family went across the street to pick up the feline. A few minutes later, they came back with the cat. The family decided to name her Pippa. Later, when it was time to eat, Pippa's bowl was next to mine. Then, when I was not looking, she stole my food! I was flabbergasted! Luckily, I caught her before she ate all of it. She claimed that she didn't realize that it was my food. After dinner, I went upstairs to the girls' bed and for a snooze. All of sudden, Pippa hopped onto the bed with me! Maybe this cat is not that bad after all...

Thursday, January 10, 2013

The Typhoon Monster

   Now that I am safely home from Germany, you might think that I am no longer challenged by dangerous situations. But you are wrong. Ever since I moved in, two and a half years ago, I have been experiencing a paralyzing fear of the Typhoon Monster!
During the day the Monster often opens his massive, malodorous mouth to swallow cups, silverware and all kinds of dishes. 
   Late at night the Monster closes his mouth for the last time of the day at. All I hear are furious grunts and noises along with sounds of rushing water. Then after a while it suddenly stops! 
The next morning the humans open the monster's mouth and steam comes out and all the dishes look different! The plates that went inside with leftover food on them come out totally clean. My best guess is that inside the monster many evil squirrels help the Monster devour the food on the dishes.
   One of my biggest fears is that I might be sucked into the Monster and be viciously killed. Therefore I have to be careful in the kitchen and silently sneak past the machine to make sure than I am not snatched up. 

Tuesday, November 6, 2012

Sarge's Germany Travels Vol. 6

Click to read part 1, 2, 3, 4, and 5
   The next morning, after breakfast, I was snoozing in the sun next to a window, when Woofgang and Gretta came running in telling me with a terrified look on their face that my family was packing their suitcases. Petrified that we might already be leaving, I went to my family to see for myself. Sure enough my closest human friends had their luggage-transportation-boxes out and were packing. I stopped in my tracks. I was devastated. We had just arrived here four days earlier and it was now already time to leave? I just had made two new friends. Before I knew it, I had to say a tearful farewell to my canine friends. I dismally retreated into my kennel and then we all left the big house with the two old people and my good friends Woofgang and Gretta.

Saturday, October 13, 2012

Sarge's Germany Travels vol. 5

Read part 1, 2, 3, and 4.
   A little later the entire family including Woofgang, Gretta, and I rode in a car for a while. When the driving machine stopped we were out of the town in the country. We were at a ragtag shabby farm.  I could easily tell that the two little fellow canines knew exactly where we were. They said that they come here every day with the older people. Apparently the humans own the entire farm. What really struck my dog interest was that they have all kinds of animals here, including pigs, horses,
chickens, goats, and geese. While the humans were occupied, my new friends showed me around. First they brought me where the pigs stay. They introduced me to the boar Adolf and the sow Eva. Being pigs, they were quite polite to us canines, they even invited us to join them in their mud bath. So we accourse could not decline.
   After getting all dirty we went over to the horses. Not much was happening there. The horses were only grazing in the field. Pretty soon we got bored and went over to the chickens, the best part of the whole trip.
    Us proud dogs--like it or not--have always fancied chickens. Not the fact that they drop edible eggs every day or that they disrupt everyone's sleep before dawn. The fact is, canines have loved chasing chickens since the beginning of time. Trying to not get in trouble, we just watched the chickens play. So much for that. Before we knew it, we were chasing the squawking fowl across the entire farm. Words cannot describe that feeling, sprinting across fields after a ugly bird and releasing the worries of the world. Except for those humans shouting at you really loudly.
   Long story short, all three of us were in the "dog house"-- just for being dogs and doing what dogs do.