The Dog Scouts

   These past few days Jeremiah has been talking about joining a organization just for boys. At first I thought he said "Joy Scouts." Thinking it was a group of people that search for joy, I reported the news to Budd the dog across the street. He said I misheard and Jeremiah is becoming a Boy Scout, not a "Joy Scout" and they do not look for joy. I asked him how he knew all this. He said that in his old family one of the sons was also a Boy Scout. According to Budd, the Boy Scouts go camping, hiking, rock climbing, and stuff like that. But then he told me they also go fishing, which means they get to eat lots of meat! I sure wished there were Dog Scouts so us dogs could do fun stuff like having eating contests, fishing, doing digging competitions, and playing tug-of-war. Maybe one day there will be the D.S.A. (Dog Scouts of America). Until then I will just listen to Jeremiah's stories of being a Scout.

The Thin Metal Stick

   Yesterday Patches the cat and I went to get a thin metal stick (shot) stuck into our leg. When we drove in the driving machine, Patches was whining because the machine was loud and bumpy. The whining was so annoying that I decided to walk over to her and try to get her to stop. That was a bad idea. She started hissing at me which caused my human dad (who was driving) to turn around. He nudged me away and since he had to look at me, swerved to the side. We all tumbled over and Patches was not happy about that. Dad pulled over and tied me to a seat, and put Patches in the back.
   We got to the Socitey for the Prevention of Cruelity to Animals - a very sad place. There were dogs outside with signs around there neck, which said "Adoptable." Come to think of it, I was in the same situation a year and a half ago. So glad that is over! Dad took us inside and a little while later a lady brought me to a back room. She got a tube with a sharp end on it. Suddenly I felt a needle penatrate my skin! I tried to get away but she was holding me. Thankfully she let me go back to Dad very soon. Then it was Patches turn to go to the bad Back Room. After Patches was done, we went home. Hopefully we will not have to go back there for a very long time. After all they put thin metal sticks in your leg.

The Horse Without a Body

   One day I found a stuffed horse on MeMe's bed. It was a nice little brown and white horse with bulging eyes. Since I was all alone in the house I decided it would be okay if I just snuggled with the horse for a while. Not knowing it cost two-hundred bones (thirty dollars) I nibbled on the animal, enjoying the taste. Later when my family arrived, I quickly hid the toy under the kitchen sink. Unbeknown to me the sink was leaking. Foolishly I forgot about the horse.

   A couple weeks later I detected a rotten smell in the kitchen. Suspecting the smell was old food, I searched for it. Unfortunately, the only food I discovered was hard bread, cheese on a set mouse trap, and the occasional crumb. Then I came to the sink. When I nudged the curtain open, there, to my astonishment, was the stuffed horse. It was rotten and moldy - perfect for me! 
Even though the humans were there, the temptation was so great that I started chewing viciously on the horse. Right then MeMe walked in and, seeing that I held  the horse in my grip, began chasing me like a dog chases after a squirrel. I dashed out of the kitchen and ran underneath the kitchen table before my horse was taken away. In my haste, the horse got stuck on a corner of the table. 
MeMe came nearer and nearer, and in desperation, I pulled on the head with all my might. Suddenly I heard a ripping noise. Turning around, I saw that the body of the horse was gone! I tried to retrieve the body -- after all, I'm a Labrador Retriever --  but sadly Me-Me caught it.

The horse head

After that my family was disappointed in me for a long time, especially MeMe. The good news is that I got to keep the head and body after all. This has been by far my favorite toy. My favorite part was eating the crunchy eyes! The wonderful thing about this experience that now there are two toys the body and the head!   

Squirrels-The Menace of the World

Here is my report about squirrels. Enjoy!

Squirrels-The Menace of the World

   Squirrels are by far the most annoying animals on earth. My exceptional fantastic dog senses can locate evil squirrels that are aggravating my neighbors.

   For starters there are eight different species of squirrels that live just in trees. The most common species is the gray squirrel with its bushy tail. Most humans think that squirrels always live in trees, but numerous squirrel species dwell on the ground. I guess that is why they call them ground squirrels. You might have heard of chipmunks, prairie dogs, meerkats, marmots, and other kinds of rodents. Probably the most amazing squirrel is the flying squirrel, even though I have never seen one personally. Funny enough they are called “flying squirrels”, but they do not fly! They glide. This remarkable creature can coast from tree to tree thanks to its unique flaps of skin. A flying squirrel can stay up in the air for more than two hundred-forty tails (roughly one hundred-sixty feet).  I could write volumes and volumes of books about these annoying animals, but my brain would explode if I would say one more word about squirrel species.

   Even though I loathe squirrels, one thing I really do like about them, is the way they can get food for themselves. Squirrels are sly thieves and steal our nuts and berries thanks to their handy claws. They hide their loot in coves and hallow trees. Then they jump on the next tree or power line and leave me eating dust. Their behavior is impossible!

   It is my mission to wipe all squirrels off the face of this planet. Unfortunately I can not claim victory, yet. I will trap them, shoot them, hit them, besiege their hiding places, starve them, smoke them out, run them over, electrocute them, hang them, freeze them, drown them, make them walk the plank, and chew them up. Now I only have to convince my humans to give me free reign.