Sunday, March 24, 2013

Chick Pics

  I wanted to show you some pictures of the chicks down in the basement, but I still can not make myself to venture downstairs. I had no idea how to take pictures without having to go down there. So, I sent Pippa to take a couple pictures for me. That is why they are not as good.

The terrifying chicks

 
Pippa finding the best angle to take pictures

   According to Pippa, my new "Life of Sarge" reporter, there are thirteen chicks in the basement. She also said they looked very tasty. I will let you on a little secret. Even without my paralyzing fear, I would have still been scared to go downstairs with the terrifying chickens.
   

Saturday, March 23, 2013

New Neighbors

   Ever since last December, the family has been building a small, red, dog house (or so I thought...). I did not care about it. Since Pippa came, I had even forgotten about it. But then three weeks ago after the family had been gone forever (one hour) they came home with a brown cardboard box! At first the box was silent, then there was a CHEEP! And another, and another until the entire box was cheeping. I was so very perplexed. Did the box say it was cheap? Or were there animals IN the box? They took the box downstairs to the basement. I would go down there, but a few years ago I was attacked by a gigantic monster the size of a spoon, which some humans call a cockroach. Ever since the dreadful battle, which I lost, I have not been able to make myself go down there.
The "Dog House"
   When they came upstairs, I overheard them talking about chickens. That is when is realized what had happened. The family had brought chickens into the house! Then I also realized that dog house was for the chickens and not for me! How could I survive? A new cat and chickens! And within a couple of weeks!

Friday, March 22, 2013

The Cleanest Animal


   The next morning Pippa was still sleeping on the bed at sunrise, when I went downstairs to go outside. When I shuffled back inside I heard a sound. A sound like no other. A cat hissing! I rushed over to where the sound came from. My ears led me to the back door, where Pippa was fighting through the window with my nemesis. Patches! The no-good-feline was attacking and scaring my new friend *cough* acquaintance! I valiantly showed my teeth to Patches through the window and let her hear my deep growl. Before long she was scurrying away. When Pippa was safe she thanked me by brushing against my leg. I found out that the two of us have a common enemy.
   Later when I was walking past the bathroom I looked and this is what I saw. Pippa was drinking FROM the toilet! Even though we have a clean water bowl! To correct any dog myths you might have heard, I never drink from the toilet.

   
   Later I asked Pippa why she drinks from the toilet. She said that drinking from a bowl on the ground is boring and dirty that is why she would rather drink from a porcelain bowl. After all they say cats are the cleanest animals!

Tuesday, February 12, 2013

Pippa The Feline

  It all started a few weeks ago when the neighbors came over holding a gray and a white feline. I freaked out. I, Sarge, had to defend Rule 1 of my Code of Conduct: "Neither feline nor squirrel shall ever cross the property line of Sarge The Dog and must be exterminated." Staying true to the Code, I went berserk. The fur on my back stood up as I showed my smooth, razor-sharp teeth to the cat, along with my deep manly growl. There was something strange about the feline, though. Instead of running away in fright, she did not give a "milk bone" but instead started purring! I was immensely perplexed.

                                 

  Later, after the neighbors left with the cat, the family gave me startling news: they were going to adopt the cat. My heart stopped. Another CAT! It was already bad enough handling Patches, but another one...!

   The next day, the family went across the street to pick up the feline. A few minutes later, they came back with the cat. The family decided to name her Pippa. Later, when it was time to eat, Pippa's bowl was next to mine. Then, when I was not looking, she stole my food! I was flabbergasted! Luckily, I caught her before she ate all of it. She claimed that she didn't realize that it was my food. After dinner, I went upstairs to the girls' bed and for a snooze. All of sudden, Pippa hopped onto the bed with me! Maybe this cat is not that bad after all...

Thursday, January 10, 2013

The Typhoon Monster

   Now that I am safely home from Germany, you might think that I am no longer challenged by dangerous situations. But you are wrong. Ever since I moved in, two and a half years ago, I have been experiencing a paralyzing fear of the Typhoon Monster!
During the day the Monster often opens his massive, malodorous mouth to swallow cups, silverware and all kinds of dishes. 
   Late at night the Monster closes his mouth for the last time of the day at. All I hear are furious grunts and noises along with sounds of rushing water. Then after a while it suddenly stops! 
The next morning the humans open the monster's mouth and steam comes out and all the dishes look different! The plates that went inside with leftover food on them come out totally clean. My best guess is that inside the monster many evil squirrels help the Monster devour the food on the dishes.
   One of my biggest fears is that I might be sucked into the Monster and be viciously killed. Therefore I have to be careful in the kitchen and silently sneak past the machine to make sure than I am not snatched up.