Pippa The Feline

  It all started a few weeks ago when the neighbors came over holding a gray and a white feline. I freaked out. I, Sarge, had to defend Rule 1 of my Code of Conduct: "Neither feline nor squirrel shall ever cross the property line of Sarge The Dog and must be exterminated." Staying true to the Code, I went berserk. The fur on my back stood up as I showed my smooth, razor-sharp teeth to the cat, along with my deep manly growl. There was something strange about the feline, though. Instead of running away in fright, she did not give a "milk bone" but instead started purring! I was immensely perplexed.

                                 

  Later, after the neighbors left with the cat, the family gave me startling news: they were going to adopt the cat. My heart stopped. Another CAT! It was already bad enough handling Patches, but another one...!

   The next day, the family went across the street to pick up the feline. A few minutes later, they came back with the cat. The family decided to name her Pippa. Later, when it was time to eat, Pippa's bowl was next to mine. Then, when I was not looking, she stole my food! I was flabbergasted! Luckily, I caught her before she ate all of it. She claimed that she didn't realize that it was my food. After dinner, I went upstairs to the girls' bed and for a snooze. All of sudden, Pippa hopped onto the bed with me! Maybe this cat is not that bad after all...

The Typhoon Monster

   Now that I am safely home from Germany, you might think that I am no longer challenged by dangerous situations. But you are wrong. Ever since I moved in, two and a half years ago, I have been experiencing a paralyzing fear of the Typhoon Monster!

During the day the Monster often opens his massive, malodorous mouth to swallow cups, silverware and all kinds of dishes. 

   Late at night the Monster closes his mouth for the last time of the day at. All I hear are furious grunts and noises along with sounds of rushing water. Then after a while it suddenly stops! 
The next morning the humans open the monster's mouth and steam comes out and all the dishes look different! The plates that went inside with leftover food on them come out totally clean. My best guess is that inside the monster many evil squirrels help the Monster devour the food on the dishes.
   One of my biggest fears is that I might be sucked into the Monster and be viciously killed. Therefore I have to be careful in the kitchen and silently sneak past the machine to make sure than I am not snatched up. 

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Sarge's Germany Travels Vol. 6

Click to read part 1, 2, 3, 4, and 5

   The next morning, after breakfast, I was snoozing in the sun next to a window, when Woofgang and Gretta came running in telling me with a terrified look on their face that my family was packing their suitcases. Petrified that we might already be leaving, I went to my family to see for myself. Sure enough my closest human friends had their luggage-transportation-boxes out and were packing. I stopped in my tracks. I was devastated. We had just arrived here four days earlier and it was now already time to leave? I just had made two new friends. Before I knew it, I had to say a tearful farewell to my canine friends. I dismally retreated into my kennel and then we all left the big house with the two old people and my good friends Woofgang and Gretta.

Sarge's Germany Travels vol. 5

Read part 1, 2, 3, and 4.
   A little later the entire family including Woofgang, Gretta, and I rode in a car for a while. When the driving machine stopped we were out of the town in the country. We were at a ragtag shabby farm.  I could easily tell that the two little fellow canines knew exactly where we were. They said that they come here every day with the older people. Apparently the humans own the entire farm. What really struck my dog interest was that they have all kinds of animals here, including pigs, horses,
chickens, goats, and geese. While the humans were occupied, my new friends showed me around. First they brought me where the pigs stay. They introduced me to the boar Adolf and the sow Eva. Being pigs, they were quite polite to us canines, they even invited us to join them in their mud bath. So we accourse could not decline.
   After getting all dirty we went over to the horses. Not much was happening there. The horses were only grazing in the field. Pretty soon we got bored and went over to the chickens, the best part of the whole trip.
    Us proud dogs--like it or not--have always fancied chickens. Not the fact that they drop edible eggs every day or that they disrupt everyone's sleep before dawn. The fact is, canines have loved chasing chickens since the beginning of time. Trying to not get in trouble, we just watched the chickens play. So much for that. Before we knew it, we were chasing the squawking fowl across the entire farm. Words cannot describe that feeling, sprinting across fields after a ugly bird and releasing the worries of the world. Except for those humans shouting at you really loudly.
   Long story short, all three of us were in the "dog house"-- just for being dogs and doing what dogs do.

Sarge's Germany Travels vol. 4

Read part 1, 2, and 3.

The next morning I woke up in the large house in a small quaint room that Jeremiah had been sleeping in. After getting up, I followed my nose downstairs into an old kitchen where the family was eating breakfast. As I strolled in, the two little dogs rushed over to me and started yapping and running around me. Those crazy Yorkshire Terriers! They told me that their names were Woofgang and Gretta and that they ruled this house. Naturally I followed Woofgang and Gretta to a spot under the table and waited (of course without begging) for food. After a while I scored a piece of salami from the older lady of the house. Then I realized where I actually was. My Labrador senses could detect that this was not your average slice of salami. This was German salami! That explained why everything including the human language was different! After the meal Woofgang and Gretta showed me around the extensive house. They showed me ways to sneak outside and the best places to sleep. Where to find the occasional mouse and how to annoy the neighborhood cat. The entire time I kept wondering. What did the two older people have to do with our family and why were we here?

Sarge's Germany Travels vol. 3

Read part 1, or part 2

   After I was carried out of the plane and on to the small truck at the airport, I realized what had happened. The reason for the weather and the language being different was that I was not in America anymore. I was in another country! The small truck took me across the platform to a conveyor belt. A man lifted up my cage and carried me over to the belt. Where will they take me now? But a few minutes later I was reunited with my family.
   Two older people greeted us at the turning mechanism where you pick up your suitcases. The family picked up theirs. The whole family and the older people walked over to the bright blue car that the strangers owned. Dad put me in the back of the driving machine. The car was moving for a while. When it stopped Dad lifted me and my cage out of the car. I was definitively not at home. Then I saw a huge house that was as tall as 17 Labradors (32 feet) or 43 Chihuahuas (for you tiny dogs). The house looked very old. I bet my great, great, great, great, great, grand-dog was not even around when it was built.
   I was carried inside and to my surprise two little Yorkshire Terriers greeted me hyper actively. My keen Labrador senses could already tell that these dogs were going to be a handful of trouble.

Sarge's Germany Travels Vol. 2

Note: To read vol. 1 click here
   As soon as my eyes adjusted to the darkness I realized I was caught in a dreadful place. With me there were a dozen other dogs (which is not that bad) and tons of appalling, excruciatingly annoying cats (which is really bad)! Everywhere there were cats. I already knew this was going to be a long flight.

   A couple hours into the flight I was about ready to go crazy. I was inside a cramped cage in an enormous machine, with dozens of crying cats and a couple of whiny canines.
   While trying to take a quick snooze, I heard rattling in the cage next to me. I looked over and saw a little chihuahua in a tiny cage trying to obtain the bone that had slipped through the bars. Feeling very courteous I managed to stick my tail through the gaps in my cage and to nudge the bone back to the tiny dog. He thanked me and then told me that his name was Antonio. We started talking about how annoying the cats were and the best kind of dog food. Antonio was telling me about the tastiest parts of a cow, when THUMP! The huge machine had slowed down and then suddenly stopped. After a few minutes the large door opened to two men that were speaking a strange language. They started unloading the cages with the dogs and cats from the plane. Antonio and I were the last ones to be brought out of the plane. As I was being carried to the conveyor belt I was expecting a warm bright sun, but outside it was cold and rainy. My mind was boggled. How could it be that I had boarded a plane just hours earlier when everything had been warm and bright and now it was suddenly cold and rainy?