The Quintessential Squirrel

   A couple months ago I stated that squirrels are the most annoying animals on earth. I have moved on since then - I now feel the need to destroy them! The only problem is that I can not catch them. On top of it all Patches, our cat, is quite impressive at catching rabbits, mice, and birds. But I have never caught a single animal! Ever! This is a very common situation: right before I can grasp the awful creature, it rushes onto a tree and gets away, again.
   One of my greatest wishes is that a large, lumpy, blubbery, lethargic squirrel would make his home in our back yard.  Then I could easily kidnap it, blackmail the squirrel community and demand a ransom. For me to release their brother I would make them leave this neighborhood forever!
There you have it.

Bones, Bones, wherefore art thou?

   I am back! Jeremiah, my writer, did not want to post over the summer because it felt too much like "doing school." Now that Jeremiah is back in school my human mom made him post for me.

   Now to the story. Last week, when I woke up there was a gigantic, evil chopping machine in the front yard. It was ripping out a stump. But this stump was not any old stump - it was my bone hiding place! I tried to inform my humans about the machine's doings, but they did not understand me. I started barking because I wanted to go outside, but they did not let me out. They probably thought I was planning to attack the workers.

   Later when the evil machine had left I had made such a ruckus inside that my humans finally let me go outside to investigate. When I got to the hole where the stump used to be, all my bones were gone! I started frantically running around like a mad dog looking for my bones and accidentally knocked over the trash can. Turning around I spotted them: sitting next to a delicious half-eaten hamburger were all my once lost but now found bones!    

New Mexico.

   I am finally back! Sorry I have not posted in such a long time.

When my writer Jeremiah got back from camp four weeks ago, we all had to pack for a trip to New Mexico. I was going to stay at Camp Bubba. However, when my owners dropped me off, Bubba's owner said I could not stay with them because Bubba got a contagious ear mite disease.  I got to go with my family on the trip instead. There was only one problem.  Because the car was so full of supplies, they couldn't find a place for me to sit. After a bit of shifting things around, I settled between two seats for the ten hour drive.

A picture of the New Mexico plains my human sister, Carlotta, took

   Do not tell anybody, but at the first campground we stayed at I got very scared. Why? Because my parents were talking about big animals like bears and mountain lions, which inhabited the area. The thought of those creatures lurking in the shadows waiting to devour me frighted me half to death. The rest of the family slept in the tent but not me!
 Here are four reasons why it was better for me to "keep watch" in the car.  First, if I slept in the car, I would rest much better. Second, if a bear came, then I could defend the family much better. Third, since I was in the car, a bear would not have been able to smell me. Fourth, if I saw a bear, I would have been higher up than it.

 the view from the first campground my human sister, Carlotta, took

 For the next two weeks we went from campground to campground. Suddenly, though, while we were driving along, a big, terrifying cloud of smoke appeared on the horizon.  That was even scarier than the bears! 

The terrifying smoke cloud!

Now we are back in are cozy house without any bears or wildfires and I am happy.

The Tomato Strikes Again

   Yesterday at about 16 naps before dusk (12 PM) the whole family was talking about a big storm that could cause a "tomato" (tornado). I was really scared because a giant tomato could cause the roof to fall onto my head. The family was bringing some stuff down to our basement and I guess they were planning to get away from a collapsing roof as far as possible.

   About six hours later I heard a loud siren noise that tells everybody to get into a tomato shelter. The whole family except me went down to the basement. That dark hole underground is the only place in the whole house I just cannot bring myself to go to. It has something to do with a traumatic puppy experience. Anyway, some neighbors came over to seek shelter at our house. As if that wasn't enough, another family arrived with their two dogs and their EVIL cat. Luckily the owners had sedated the dogs and the cat, but the sedation wore off way too fast. Everybody stayed down in the basement for about two hours before they finally came upstairs. Funny enough they didn't seem to be scared down there and I even heard laughter.
It rained hard, but luckily no tomato ever hit us or any of our neighbors and I am pretty thankful for that. Now I really need to schedule an appointment with a dog psychiatrist to overcome my basement phobia. I do not want to miss another tomato party.

Camp Bubba

   Last weekend my family went to a Boy Scout family camp. The camp people are not extremely welcoming - dogs were not allowed in the camp! Since my family would be gone for the weekend, I had to stay with my good dog friend Bubba. He is a four year old Shar Pei with a lot of wrinkles. Bubba comes over to my house alot and we play hard.
Anyway, my family dropped me off at Bubba's house for the weekend. His house is so cool. He has his own dog door that let's him go in and out as he likes. In the backyard is a pond with little things swimming in the water. I think they are called tadpoles.

Bubba the Shar Pei

   Bubba and I did a bunch of other stuff but I am guessing we did not do good things since Bubba made me swear I would not tell anybody what happened at Camp Bubba.

The Spikes of Death

   Today my family went to a place where a bunch of water is stored in a valley because of a dam. This dam is the one I talked about in an earlier post that caused all the water to leave. Anyway, there was a beach at the lake and Mom brought a bunch of food. Since some big fish had decided to die right on the beach, we had to move further away to the grass. We walked over to the grassy part and Mom took out her food basket, Jeremiah went to the car and brought out my chain and tied me to it. My family unpacked some bread, cheese, butter, and grapes. I was waiting like a good dog for my food but they only gave me some water and leftover bread... that got me annoyed.
   I decided to take a little afternoon nap when...POKE! I jumped up as if my life depended on it and started howling. Lilly ran over to me barefoot and then SHE started screaming. Mom picked her up. She was screaming because a tiny spike ball was in her foot. Mom put her down and came over to me. She lifted up my paw and sure enough there was also a spike ball in my paw. Mom gently pulled it out and started eating again.

   Since it takes a while to get home I decided to catch up on some sleep when - POKE! One of  the evil spike balls was in my fur! Jeremiah pulled it out then I could sleep in peace. Let me tell you some thing: I am never going back to that lake. 

'Twas the Night Before Easter

   I was just settling down for a Easter snooze when I thought the world was going to end. Little balls of white, icy stuff came falling out of the sky and making a ruckus on the roof. At first I thought they were big raindrops, but when I looked outside the balls were all over the place. Fearfully I dashed under the table for protection. Thankfully it stopped after ten minutes.

The size of the ice balls. Unfortunately it was kind of dark.

   After the tormenting balls went away I went back to bed for a Easter snooze. After a while I heard feline hissing and meowing in our sun room. I walked over to the glass door and could not believe my tired eyes.  A foreign cat!  Our cat Patches was chasing the other cat out of the sun room. After I was sure the cat was gone I went back to bed.


   After a short Easter snooze I was barbarously wakened up by chirping in the sun room again. I sluggishly sauntered over to the glass door. now i know why the strange cat was in the sun room. A little cardinal with a broken wing was in there. I was just to tired to care.


Happy Belated Easter


P.S. The rabbit I talked about two weeks ago went home - Thankfully