2012 is NOT Going to be Pretty

   Merry Christmas everybody! Wait, I just realized I am a month off. It must have been some evil squirrels doing tests on my brain. Anywho, I came to tell you all that yesterday I was dictating my post to Jeremiah minding my own busness. Then Patches showed up and stepped on the computer's power button and shut the whole device off. Totally off. When the device finally started up, I found out that all my work was gone. All lost! I wasted ten minutes of my life thanks to a stupid cat! But what scares me even more is this: if infidel creatures (cats and squirrels) are already able to shut off power, imagine what could happen in a couple of years! Squirrels might get laser vision and shoot at our tails so we would lose balance. 

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Even worse, cats might get on computers and hack the military's database and launch nuclear weapons and destroy all dogkind. 

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   It's already getting serious. The squirrels are training at top secret locations. Pray for us.

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The End of the World! Part 1

   Everybody get your emergency supplies! Get your last minute flu shots!  Hide your bones! The world is going to end!
It all started last week, when I was fast asleep, dreaming about killing giant squirrels. It was the darkest part of the night, when all of a sudden it happened. The ground started to move! I woke up immediately and sprung into action. First I went over to my human parents and jumped frantically upon their bed. Of course they did not like that and started throwing random stuffed animals at me. So I planned to charge upstairs to the little girls' bedroom and to chew up their blankets. While I was climbing up the stairs, the movement stopped. I am telling you, this was the strangest night of my life. All of a sudden there was no point to do anything else and I just went back to sleep.
   The next morning at about 18 naps after dawn (9:00 AM), the exact same thing happened again. The ground started to move! Since I had experienced this before, I wasn't as scared. It only lasted for a short time and nothing bad really happened.

   All of sudden I saw a light! The movement of the earth had turned Jeremiah's laptop on. On the screen I saw a picture that was branded into my brain forever. It was a picture of a A SABER-TOOTHED SQUIRREL!!!

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   In the old book of Labrador mythology, it is foretold, that the canine who is dreaming about killing squirrels, wakes up to rumbling ground, and sees a picture of a Saber-toothed squirrel, is to witness monsters that look like squirrels in the near future. Because I was not sure, that this was the phenomenon that they talk about, I went over to my friend Budd's house. He is also a Labrador and might have known something that I did not. He told me in confidence that he is not a full-bred Labrador. That is why he has not heard that much about the ancient mythology. Furthermore he had been night fishing with his owner and had not really felt the trembling. What is a Labrador to do in a situation like this? Read what happens next month!

The Dungeon of Doom

   Last week the family went down to Texas. They decided that I could stay with my friend Bubba again! The next morning I had to get up very early. They dropped me off at Bubba's house with some food for me. After giving them a good bye slobber, I sent them off on their trip. Bubba and I went outside to play with the frogs in Bubba's frog pond.
   A couple of dead frogs later, Bubba's owner came outside and started to work in his shed. Since it was very hot, I decided to go inside the workshop where it was cooler. Inside I discovered a little vent from which cool air emerged and I decided to take a little snooze there. It felt so good in the shed, that I eventually fell asleep.
   When I woke up, the shed was totally dark. I went over to the door and tried to nudge it open, but it did not budge. Panic! After a minute I realized the grim situation I was in. Patches had locked me up in the shed!  
   Obviously I had to start my thinking process about ways to get out. How about making a key with the tools here! But that did not work, because I could not even pick up the tools.
   Then I had another idea. I could crawl through the 4 paws (3 inches) air vent. I could fit my four paws in there easily, just not the rest of my body. The third option was to break through a window and get out. The only problem was, that there weren't any windows in the shed. I was really ready to lie down and cry.
  Then I heard an ominous sound from the door. I got into fighting position, ready to attack Patches. The door opened. It was not Patches, but Bubba's owner Bob! He brought me back inside the house where Bubba was. I was saved from the dungeon of doom! We ate some food and went to bed. To this day I can not figure out how Patches walked all the way from our home to Bubba's house to lock me in or maybe it was some other force...

The Hunter and the Mouse

   I now know who the most savage varmint is -- Patches! Yesterday I was chewing on my bone and sun bathing when out in the distance I saw Patches chasing a tiny mouse! Now, of course I wasn't jealous and I would never deal with a mouse anyway, but this little mouse looked so helpless and feeble. I watched with horror as the meager mouselet got trapped in a corner and put Patches in a position to strike. That's when I knew I had to perform an act of gallantry and save the rodent.
  I dashed up from where I was lying and bolted to Patches. She glanced at me, then started to run away. Diligently, I started sniffing around for the mouse. While I was sniffing I heard a small squeak. I turned around, and what did I see? Patches tormenting the mouse again! Slowly I crawled closer to them. Right at the perfect moment I pounced towards her. Patches dropped the mouse and darted away. The mouse just stood there for a minute before scurrying away. Since the mouse was able to run off I guess that he survived. I hope!

The Quintessential Squirrel

   A couple months ago I stated that squirrels are the most annoying animals on earth. I have moved on since then - I now feel the need to destroy them! The only problem is that I can not catch them. On top of it all Patches, our cat, is quite impressive at catching rabbits, mice, and birds. But I have never caught a single animal! Ever! This is a very common situation: right before I can grasp the awful creature, it rushes onto a tree and gets away, again.
   One of my greatest wishes is that a large, lumpy, blubbery, lethargic squirrel would make his home in our back yard.  Then I could easily kidnap it, blackmail the squirrel community and demand a ransom. For me to release their brother I would make them leave this neighborhood forever!
There you have it.

Bones, Bones, wherefore art thou?

   I am back! Jeremiah, my writer, did not want to post over the summer because it felt too much like "doing school." Now that Jeremiah is back in school my human mom made him post for me.

   Now to the story. Last week, when I woke up there was a gigantic, evil chopping machine in the front yard. It was ripping out a stump. But this stump was not any old stump - it was my bone hiding place! I tried to inform my humans about the machine's doings, but they did not understand me. I started barking because I wanted to go outside, but they did not let me out. They probably thought I was planning to attack the workers.

   Later when the evil machine had left I had made such a ruckus inside that my humans finally let me go outside to investigate. When I got to the hole where the stump used to be, all my bones were gone! I started frantically running around like a mad dog looking for my bones and accidentally knocked over the trash can. Turning around I spotted them: sitting next to a delicious half-eaten hamburger were all my once lost but now found bones!    

New Mexico.

   I am finally back! Sorry I have not posted in such a long time.

When my writer Jeremiah got back from camp four weeks ago, we all had to pack for a trip to New Mexico. I was going to stay at Camp Bubba. However, when my owners dropped me off, Bubba's owner said I could not stay with them because Bubba got a contagious ear mite disease.  I got to go with my family on the trip instead. There was only one problem.  Because the car was so full of supplies, they couldn't find a place for me to sit. After a bit of shifting things around, I settled between two seats for the ten hour drive.

A picture of the New Mexico plains my human sister, Carlotta, took

   Do not tell anybody, but at the first campground we stayed at I got very scared. Why? Because my parents were talking about big animals like bears and mountain lions, which inhabited the area. The thought of those creatures lurking in the shadows waiting to devour me frighted me half to death. The rest of the family slept in the tent but not me!
 Here are four reasons why it was better for me to "keep watch" in the car.  First, if I slept in the car, I would rest much better. Second, if a bear came, then I could defend the family much better. Third, since I was in the car, a bear would not have been able to smell me. Fourth, if I saw a bear, I would have been higher up than it.

 the view from the first campground my human sister, Carlotta, took

 For the next two weeks we went from campground to campground. Suddenly, though, while we were driving along, a big, terrifying cloud of smoke appeared on the horizon.  That was even scarier than the bears! 

The terrifying smoke cloud!

Now we are back in are cozy house without any bears or wildfires and I am happy.