Captured!

   Yesterday my homeless friend Ming and I went out exploring the neighborhood. We were walking down a street when suddenly we heard a human call out to us offering food. Ming and I are always interested in food so we went over to check it out. We followed the tasty aroma and found ourselves in the person's backyard. When, slam, the human had trapped us into her back yard! The lady came up to me and studied the collar around my neck. Then the person went inside and left us alone. Only after we finished eating the food we noticed we were trapped. There was no escape. Frantically we tried to find a hole in the fence but we were out of luck.
   Before we knew it was already dark. The lady came out and walked over to me. She grabbed my collar and led me out of the yard and let me go. But not Ming. Since I was too scared to do anything I just walked home.
   Early the next morning I got up and hurried over to the house where Ming was being held captive. I barked over to him but there was no response. I started to panic. What if he had been brought to the pound?

Heaven on Earth

   Yesterday I was out with my new friend, Ming, wandering the neighborhood. Ming decided to show me how to find old food at Sonic. When we were nearing our destination, he warned me to walk as silently as possible. Quietly, we darted across the street and hid behind a dumpster. Ming nudged a piece of wood to the side. And there, I am convinced, was heaven on earth. There were old hamburgers, french fries, onion rings, and, best of all, raw sausage! While devouring the food, Ming informed me that every few dark periods (days) the dumpster is refilled with food. Just as he finished talking we heard footsteps in the distance. Ming and I dashed out from behind the dumpster. But just as I was escaping, my collar got caught on a hook. I tried to yank free but  I could not. The footsteps were getting closer and closer. Ming ran over and bit my collar off so that I could finally run to safety. True, I lost my collar, but it saved me from getting into big trouble.

Frank and Ming the King

Frank

by 

Sarge

There once was a squirrel named Frank,

That gave my big tail a yank

I tried to bite him

But he sang a long hymn

Now that was quite a prank

Ming the King

by 

Sarge

I have a good friend named Ming

He acts quite like a king

He ate all my food

Then I was screwed

And that was no happy thing

A Ghost Story

   A few days ago the family was away from home doing something and I got bored in the backyard. I had not taken a walk that day, so I decided it would help them a lot if I took care of that myself. After a while I found a small crack in the fence that allowed me to squeeze through. 

By the time I got to Elm Street it was already dark. I decided to turn around when all of a sudden I saw a blurry shadow. A dog? A puff of smoke? An evil squirrel? A ghost! Suddenly the ghost turned around to go after me. Without much thought I ran faster than ever. After a few minutes I glanced over my shoulder to see if the spook was still following me. He had disappeared! All I could see was a fluffy Chow Chow looking like a teddy bear. I asked him whether he had seen a ghost. "Oh no," he said. "I'm looking for a black dog." I told him that I had not seen a black dog recently. The chow said that his name was Ming and that he had been living on the streets since he was kicked out of house and home. Ming was really hungry. We struck a bargain: I invited him to come home with me where I would share some of my food. In exchange the chow agreed to show me some places with free food.

We never found out what happened to the ghost and the black dog.

 Ming the chow chow

A Sad but True Tale

   Yesterday I decided to visit my good friend Budd across the street. But when I got there he was nowhere to be found! I sniffed the back yard for his scent but could still not find anything. I went up to his people's backdoor and started to bark. After a few minutes the owner opened the door and that's when she told me the bad news. She said that earlier that day Budd was on his way to meet me. Crossing the street all of a sudden he was hit by a huge driving machine. Luckily nothing really bad happened to him except a broken leg. She said that Budd was at the vet, but he would be back soon. Later that day I visited Budd who was already much better.
   The moral of the story is this: Never run across the street to visit your dog friend without checking left and right for big machines.
  

Snowmageddon!

Last week early in the morning white, fluffy stuff started to fall from the sky. After a couple of sleeps (about 90 minutes) enough white fluff had fallen to cover my legs. This caused a real problem for Patches, since she is small and now the white fluff had probably almost completely covered her. The whole family was sitting around the warm fireplace, when Jeremiah, who takes care of the evil one (aka Patches), discovered that she was missing. He checked around the house, but could not find her. Suddenly Jeremiah realized that Patches was still outside in the snow. He bundled up to go outside into the -10° degree weather. Scouring the whole front yard and backyard for Patches, he did not find her. I thought maybe what he needed was some canine nose sensors. As soon as I trotted I realized that Jeremiah could find Patch by himself and that I was cold. Just as I was going inside, Jeremiah found Patches. I darted over to where he was trying to reach a cold cat, which was caught between two narrow fences. He could not reach Patches, because his arm was a little too short. At first I was sort of glad. Now that she was stuck, there was now way she could swat me with her sharp claws again. But then I realized that a dog would do the right thing. I gathered enough courage to go right between the fences and pick up Patches by the scruff of her neck. Of course she tried to swat me, but I tried to ignore her. I had done the right thing: she had escaped certain death in the snow and I had brought her into the house where she was warm and safe. I just hope she will remember my generosity!

2012 is NOT Going to be Pretty

   Merry Christmas everybody! Wait, I just realized I am a month off. It must have been some evil squirrels doing tests on my brain. Anywho, I came to tell you all that yesterday I was dictating my post to Jeremiah minding my own busness. Then Patches showed up and stepped on the computer's power button and shut the whole device off. Totally off. When the device finally started up, I found out that all my work was gone. All lost! I wasted ten minutes of my life thanks to a stupid cat! But what scares me even more is this: if infidel creatures (cats and squirrels) are already able to shut off power, imagine what could happen in a couple of years! Squirrels might get laser vision and shoot at our tails so we would lose balance. 

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Even worse, cats might get on computers and hack the military's database and launch nuclear weapons and destroy all dogkind. 

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   It's already getting serious. The squirrels are training at top secret locations. Pray for us.

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